Desi News Corp - Index

Desi News Corp - Desi News - May 2009 - Index

her Sweet 16 from a friend of
hers. When it was her turn to
get a gift for that friend, Chandni
got her a $110 jacket. I tried
telling her that it was perhaps
too much for a birthday gift, but
my grand-daughter tells me she
can afford it!
“Pranav is very young still, but
he’ll say he is going to Walmart –
just to look, not to buy – and
come home with two or three
video games. And you know how
expensive those games are.”
“The high school the kids go
to is right around the corner. At
first, Gaurav used to come
home for lunch, and I’d make
hot parathas for him. Then he
said he’d eat at school. He didn’t
want to take packed lunches,
preferring to buy lunch at
school. Chandni made it clear
right from the start that she
wasn’t coming home for lunch.
She used to love ghar ka khana
(home-cooked food). Now the
only thing she still eats at home
is rajma-chawal. Everything else
comes from outside. All this on
the eight dollars an hour she
makes for four or five hours that
she works in a week.”
Her son and daughter-in-law
don’t think spending like this is
a good idea, says Sharma.
“But Chandni, specially, can
get her father to agree to anything.
She’s his darling!”
Parents teach by example,
says Sharma. But children don’t
necessarily learn right away.
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“Kids today think nothing of
dropping $100-200 on a pair of
shoes. I could never spend that
kind of money on myself. My
daughter-in-law buys lots of
clothes, but always on sale.
Chandni starts out looking for
a sale, but if the item she desires
is not on sale, she will not
wait, she will get it anyway.”
The properties the family
owns and Sharma’s bank accounts
are held jointly in her
and her son’s names.
There were problems with
probate when she lost her husband
eleven years ago and she
wants to save her son that hassle
after she passes away.
“It’s practical. People told me
I was not being too wise. They
warned me against doing it, saying,
‘Haven’t you heard of how
kids can treat their parents
when they get their hands on
the money?’ But I am not worried.
He’s a good son. He has
got me a Visa card and a debit
card and is always asking me if
I need money. God forbid,
should something happen, I’ll
be all right. I get a teacher’s pension,
I’ll get a place to live, I’ll
still get enough to eat. But as I
said, I trust my son.”
She also trusts her grandchildren.
When they were little, her
husband used to give them five
dollars a week each. After he passed
away, she continued the practice.
Until, as they grew older, they
began saying, ‘It’s my money, I
can spend it as I please.’ Her son
requested her to stop giving
NARI MAVALWALLA/DESI NEWS
them money and she did.
“But they know where I keep
money in the house. If they need
money, they come and ask me. I
have never said no. Chandni hasn’t
asked ever since she began earning,
I am very proud of her on
that account. If I’m not there,
they take what they need and tell
me when I return. My son was
upset with me for leaving money
lying around, but I told him I
trust them completely. You have
to build trust. They know I trust
them and they keep my trust.
They are good, sensible children.”
Sharma counts herself
blessed that she is financially
independent. She is also a member
of the Seniors’ Wellness and
Fitness group at India Rainbow
Centre and says she has made
many friends there.
“After I lost my husband, I
was very depressed for a long
time and for years, didn’t go out
much. Then a friend insisted on
taking me to India Rainbow. She
said it would be good for me
and it has been wonderful. We
are like a large family there.”
Sharma has been to Vancouver
and Hawaii with some of
those friends. Five of them went
to Cuba recently and they often
go out for a movie and a lunch.
Shanta Sharma is too gentle
a soul to indulge in finger-wagging
and I-told-you-so. But not
too far in the future, it’s not too
difficult to imagine her grandchildren
saying, “You know
what? Dadi was right!”
– S HAGORIKA E ASWAR
Parents teach by example
Shanta Sharma with her son and grandchildren
Ravi Bahl’s tips
for our times
• No employer will want to let
go a productive employee. So
aim for a healthy body, mind and
spirit with healthy food, proper
exercise and enough sleep.
• Save on gym fees. Walking
is the best exercise – it gets you
outside in the fresh air and is
free! Don’t pay hundreds for
gym memberships and the latest
gear that collects dust after
the first enthusiastic week. Our
daughters enjoyed going on
long hikes with
us, looking for
butterflies and
flowers. In winter,
we’d go tobogganing.
I
hope they will
do the same with their children.
Kids today haven’t seen a starry
sky, they are always in front of
a computer screen.
• Use free time wisely. Use it
to upgrade your skills by taking
courses instead of watching
television or surfing the net.
• Live within your means. Do not
be swayed by what others have
or what they will think. It does
not matter if they have a bigger
TV, car or home. People have
forgotten the joys of a simple
existence. Anxiety and depression
are triggered by wanting
things that you can’t afford.
• Do not borrow. Do not depend
on government bailouts.
• Don’t be acquisitive. Lead a
simple life and set an example.
Ask yourself how much Christ,
Guru Nanak Dev, Kabir and
Buddha accumulated and reflect
on the esteem they are
held in the world over.
• Don’t be impulsive. Don’t buy
coffee every day – make your
own! Don’t buy bottled water
– drink tap water! Don’t watch
movies in a theatre, rent a DVD!
These simple steps can save you
hundreds of dollars a month.
• Meditate, introspect, reach
within yourself to know what
is right and what is wrong.