Desi News Corp - Index

Desi News Corp - Desi News - March 2009 - Index

and I am not financially dependent
on anyone. Many women
are not in that situation and I
want to be supportive of them,
show them that they are not
alone.”
METRAC’s mission is public legal
information so more women
know their rights and can access
legal services. One of METRAC’s
key roles in the last 30 years has
been making legal information
accessible to women. To make
family, immigration and criminal
law more easily understood.
And Dhanani is, not surprisingly,
a big supporter of FLEW.
“We need to raise consciousness.
Change will only happen
if we are all on board,” she points
out. “ FLEW is an important step
in that direction. Of course, it’s
not the whole story. The women
need a good lawyer, a good
judge, a good interpreter, they
need to be strong enough to
face societal and community
pressures, they need to be able
to fight their inner demons that
tell them it’s shaming to accept
help from strangers, we need
good shelters...but still, if more
women know their rights, fewer
will suffer so much.”
She illustrates this belief
with a client’s story: A woman
who was sponsored by her
husband was petrified he would
send her back – he was always
threatening to do so and keep
the kids here. But the woman
was already landed in Canada,
she had rights.
12 Desi News March 2009
“We told her that she could
get spousal support and child
support, that she didn’t have to
struggle below the poverty line
just because her husband was
telling her so,” says Dhanani.
“FLEW is just one piece of the
pie, of the masala dosa! There’s a
whole other part of this dosa we
need to work on, but it’s an
important piece. We are not celebrating
solving the problem,
what we are celebrating is providing
more information and
access. It doesn’t mean we are
at this good place, it doesn’t mean
that this will have an impact on
the divorce rate, but having the
information might just prevent
a bad situation. In a just-so-youknow
sort of way, so women get
into a relationship with their
eyes wide open.”
She emphasizes her point
with the case of another client
who was in an abusive relationship.
When her marriage
broke down irreparably, she
talked to her husband about
returning to the old country to
her parents with their two
children. They agreed to separate
amicably – or so she thought.
Soon after she went back, he
called her and asked her to
return. They would make one
last attempt to make their
marriage work, he said. Believing
him, the woman returned
and was met at the
airport by her husband. And the
police. She was taken in on charges
of kidnapping her children.
• LEFT: FLEW’s Lisa Cirillo, legal
and project coordinator, and Pam
Cross
A lawyer would have told her
that a biological parent has joint
custody until a judge orders
otherwise, says Dhanani.
“We tell the women who
come to us in similar situations
that even if they are in abusive
relationships, even if they are
escaping, going into hiding,
they can still be charged. That
they have to inform the husband
of their intention to leave.
Call him, leave a note, and then
call the cops and tell them you
are going to a shelter, so there’s
a record of your having done
so if you want to avoid
complications.”
A woman spent close to
$60,000 to get out of an abu-
Former top cop of
Delhi, Kiran Bedi,
metes out justice on
a television show.
Like Judge Judy, she
is brusqe and on the
side of the underdog.
In one episode she
tells a woman who
was beaten by her
husband but
repeatedly sent back
to him by the local
police in Delhi,
“If you don’t know
your legal rights, you
will not get the help
you need.”
sive marriage to get custody of
her children; another represented
herself in family court
because she thought she
couldn’t afford to hire a lawyer
– in both cases they may have
been eligible for legal aid.
This is the sort of information
FLEW makes available in
simple, easy to understand
language.
Ambreen, a counsellor at
Thorncliffe Neighbourhood
Office, is a strong
proponent of the project.
“I strongly, passionately believe
that no woman should have to
face violence. Regardless of class,
religion, cultural or ethnic background,
there should be zero
tolerance for domestic violence.
And no woman should have to
fight this alone, ill-prepared and
ill-informed.”
She didn’t want her last name
to be used or to be photographed
because of safety
issues – both hers and the
women she works with. “I see
the husbands in court and because
I live in the comm-unity, again
in the malls...it’s better if I am
not identified too strongly with
helping women escape
violence,” she says in a stark reminder
of the threat the women live
under.
“Working with women who
are experiencing violence is
very close to my heart. We have
to understand that just because
in some cultures men are
allowed to say, ‘Aisa hi hai’ (this
is how it is, deal with it) does
not make violence the norm.
That we should not abandon
women because of the socalled
izzat (honour). So many
women are fearful of asking for
help because of the stigma
attached to the subject. The
community should take responsibility.
We need to come together
and say, ‘Listen, we are there for
her. So you’d better stop.’”
Ambreen says that women in
abusive relationships lose faith
in themselves; all sense of identity
evaporates and the connectivity
with the inner self is lost.
With abysmal self esteem, they
learn helpless behaviour.
“They ask themselves, ‘Main
kahan jaoongi? Main kya kar sakti
hoon? (Where will I go? Who is