Desi News Corp - Index

Desi News Corp - Desi News - Feb 09 - Index

further fan the flames of resentment
in those who feel they
have paid their dues and earned
the right to belong. Or, someone
who has risen through the
ranks might feel an economic
threat from someone who joins
a couple of rungs higher.
“The perceived threat is in
the eye of the beholder,” says
Narain. “The IT engineer poses
no threat to the cashier’s job.
Yet, the cashier may feel his or
her ‘specialness’ is threatened.
Earlier, they were the ones
people went to discuss yoga or
bindis or what have you, with.
Now there may be more people
in the organization they can go
to. Their ‘territory’ is threatened.
Jealousy and fear arise out
of these emotions.”
Narain has faced this discrimination.
Caucasian Canadians who
seek his professional services seldom
inquire about his qualifications
or background. But many
South Asians want to know
where he studied and how much
experience he has.
“They associate my profession
with a white male in a suit
and a white shirt!” laughs Narain.
“They see me in my brown
skin, dressed casually in jeans and
they wonder if I am qualified to
help them. When they get an idea
of the depth of my experience
and knowledge of psychology,
of Buddhism, Hinduism and
Christianity
and how I
am able to
integrate all
those streams in
my practice, they
relax.”
Narain does not
take it personally.
“These are educated
people, grappling
with complex
issues. When they come to me,
they might see themselves in me.
Ethnicity is definitely a big issue.”
He talks of the woman who
asked a female doctor at the
16 Desi News February 2009
clinic Narain also works at
about him. She wanted to come
to him, but was unsure about
him because he was South
Asian.
“She wanted to discuss the
abusive relationship she was in
and wondered if I was abusive,
too. Would she have entertained
those doubts about a
white doctor? I doubt it.”
Narain worked as a senior
counsellor at a school in New
York. The junior counsellor was
a young white Caucasian.
“On so many
occasions, parents
would assume
he was
the supervisor
and that I was
assisting him!
It goes back to
stereotypes they
hold in their belief
systems. It’s
similar to how
many people see
two colleagues,
one male and one
female, and assume the male is
the boss!”
The best response in the face
of racism, reverse or otherwise,
says Narain, is to stay calm.
Realize it is not about you,
it’s about the other person.
Don’t take it personally. It’s
about their past history, about
their values.
Narain teaches assertiveness
as opposed to aggression.
Gently call attention to the
act, he says. Say, “Sir, I’ve been
standing here for 10 minutes
and yet you helped
the gentleman who
came after me...”
Speak up for your
rights without hurting
the feelings of
the other.
Don’t point.
Don’t use ‘you’
but start with ‘I’.
When you point a
NARI MAVALWALLA/DESI NEWS
finger and accuse the other of
discrimination, the other feels
attacked and reacts defensively.
Instead, try, “I’ve been standing
here for 10 minutes, is there
a problem?”
Narain’s parents, Narainee
and Sookhoo Narain visited India
in 2005 to reunite with family
Sookhoo’s father had left behind
in India when he moved to
Guyana to make a new life for
himself. They were welcomed
with love by family and visited
many pilgrimage spots. But
Narainee also speaks of the time
a cabbie in Mumbai, seeing her
dhoti-kurta clad son who spoke no
Hindi, called out to another cab
driver: “Ae bhai le ja. Amrika se
bandar bandrain aaye hain (These
monkeys are from America).”
The cab driver was unaware
that unlike his son Mohan Ram,
Sookhoo not only speaks Hindi,
he is also fluent in Sanskrit.
He got the cabbie’s message.
Many years ago, Sookhoo
had told his son Latchman that
if he wanted to meet real human
beings, he should
go to India.
“I think what he
meant was if I wanted
to meet people who
were simple, honest,
straightforward, devoted
to good, ethical
living, I should go to
India,” says Narain.
“That incident with
the cabbie didn’t
change his mind.
They are planning another
visit to India
this year. This time,
I will accompany my
parents.”
–SHAGORIKA EASWAR
• LEFT: Reverse racism has much
to do with who we are, says anger
management consultant Latchman
Narain.
• To learn more about anger management,visitwww.angermanagementcentre.ca